We do love to watch a celebrity doing either something extreme (like throwing themselves off a ski jump) or mundane (like baking).  This week the celebs (sort of, more of that later) were out in force.  Sunday saw the return of The Jump.  The great thing about this show is that there is a real sense of danger and that the little lambs may come down to earth with a bump.  Winter sports are exciting to watch, mainly because they take place on a slippery surface.  They are potentially dangerous and are normally only performed by athletes.  So when an untrained celeb has a bash you know it could all end horribly wrong.  This is in contrast to the forced jeopardy in I’m a Celebrity.  All the challenges there have come out of the mind of a sadistic production team (and I’m still not convinced that even the native Australians would eat a kangaroo penis.  I bet they just told the early settlers they did to see if they would follow suit.  I bet they can’t believe that they actually tried it themselves).

The other attraction of The Jump is that they mix up athletes with actors with reality stars.  This can lead to some awkward face-offs such as the one between Beth Tweddle and Louisa Lytton.  Beth Tweddle is an Olympic, European and World medal champion.  Louisa Lytton is an actress most famous for her role Eastenders.  (Actually, only famous for her role in Eastenders).  Beth approached the skeleton (which is like bobsleighing without the bobsleigh) with all the determination, professionalism and rigor of an Olympian.  Louisa closed her eyes and seemed to be controlling the sled via some sort of Jedi mind trick.  Beth loved it.  Louisa hated it.  But they were both incredibly, incredibly fast.  When they were waiting for the results as to who had won between them, Beth had a “I cannot lose to her!” look on her face.  Luckily she didn’t, but it was close. 

That’s the thing about The Jump, it can really turn things on its head. (Literally and figuratively.)   Another Olympian, Rebecca Addlington, is also competing.  Throughout the show we had seen the celebs fall, flounder and generally make a farce of the show’s events while the athletes shone.  However on the final jump Rebecca, somehow, dislocated her shoulder.  You would have thought that with all that swimming she would have had the strongest shoulders in the business; but it would appear not.  As it turned out, order was restored and Louisa left.  But reality stars have won the last two series; so perhaps it’s too soon to rule out “Arg” from The Only Way is Essex and that posh bloke from Made in Chelsea.  Actually thinking about it…we can rule out Arg.

On Wednesday Celebs invaded the Bake Off tent for the biannual The Great Sport Relief Bake Off.  The contestants on the Sport Relief version are a combination of sports stars, celebs and for some reason, politicians.  Like all the best formatted TV shows there is a pattern.  The rubbish sports person who can’t bake (but may go on a journey) and the comedian (who claims they can’t cook but always seems to do something amazing at some point) are at the back of the tent like naughty children.  The font benches are reserved for the swotty politicians and the other celeb who you know is going to be good.

Last week we saw that; Chris Kamera is about as good at baking as he is at commentating; since losing his seat in the election, Ed Balls has a lot of time on his hands and appears to spending most of that time baking cakes for his kids; Victoria Coren is brilliantly unpredictable, going from a Bloody Mary muffin via winning the Technical to an over-salted cake; and Kimberly Walsh (who was on the winner’s bench;  whoever is on that bench usually wins.  Just saying) has transformed into a floral print wearing new face of the WI.   The stars though are Mary and Paul who because there is no real pressure in this spin-off, actually come across as being a bit of a laugh.

No one was laughing in The Celebrity Apprentice – US.  You have to search hard to find this one as it’s tucked away late night on BBC1.  With it being American the challenges, characters and money raised is much bigger than in the UK version.  We are actually watching the season from 2012, but let’s be honest, they are all the same really.  The boy’s team consists of Penn Jillette (the talking one from Penn and Teller); the 1970’s Hulk; Sulu for Star Trek; the lead singer from Twisted Sister; the bloke from Coming to Americawho wasn’t Eddie Murphy and some other men.  The girl’s team are Debbie Gibson (yes, her.  Electric Youth and all that jazz); Tia Carrere (from Wayne’s World) and…..errrrr…..nope.  That’s it.  I have no idea who any of the other women on the girl’s team are.  I’m sorry.  I’m sure they are all household names in the US but they mean nothing to me here in Blighty.  Sorry.  In fact  The Celebrity Apprentice – USA could really just be called  The Apprentice – USA. 

One thing I do know though is that those girls can fight.  Why stab someone in the back when you stab them in the front?  One twist which they do have in the US version which they don’t over here, is that before they even find out if they have won or lost, the project manager is asked who they would bring back if they do lose.  Awkward.  At the centre of all this is Donald Trump who until the recent Presidential race was really just known as that slightly creepy millionaire who named his daughter after one of his wives (who luckily was also the daughter’s mother.  Naming your daughter after an ex-wife would just be wrong, even for Donald), that Selina Scott upset him a few years back and he has golf course in Scotland.

If Alan Sugar is facially channelling Sid James, then Donald Trump is channelling his personality.  “She looks beautiful doesn’t she?” he would comment on one of the female contestants.  At one point he followed one of his comments with “Can I say that?”.  I think experience has shown us that you can, and do say, whatever you want Donald.  I wonder if he would be up for appearing on the next season of The Jump.  Donald Trump on the Luge.  Now that would be worth seeing.           

UPDATE: Since writing this the news broke of Beth Tweddle’s injury.  Good luck with the operation Beth.

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